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My mommy body struggles 

Ever since I stopped nursing, I’ve noticed that I’ve slowly began to pick up weight. I stopped nursing more than a year ago now, as I couldn’t maintain expressing milk at work, while nursing Ammaarah in the mornings and evenings when I was with her. 

It started when I substituted feeds with formula as I was not able to express enough to keep up with her demand. Then it moved to stopping expressing all together because as I started to express more frequently and at a faster pace to try to keep up with demand, I ended up damaging myself. And then it moved to stopping completely. Without realising it, my little girl had been weaned after just 6 months. 

I must admit, I’m a little sad that I never had the chance (or possibly didn’t give myself a chance) to nurse Ammaarah for my goal of 2 years. Having said that however, I am very grateful that I had no struggle when I eventually decided to stop all together. 

But ever since I stopped nursing, my metabolism has changed completely and I am no longer able to sustain my pre mommy weight gain. My eating habits haven’t really changed (I usually eat all the time – small snacks of anything and everything), nor has my exercise habits changed (close to no activity), but my body just cannot seem to get rid of the intake anymore. This bothers me – at least about thrice every day. 

Now don’t get me wrong, and for those of you who may know me, I know I am not overweight. I know that I am not physically ‘fat’. But unfortunately, emotionally, I feel as though I am. I’ve always had this problem – being conscious about my weight. I’ve always had this thing about how much I weighed, but because my genetic compound allowed me to be rather skinny with absolutely no effort, I fell into a habit of little to no exercise. And now it’s catching up on me! 

Every morning, whilst dressing for work, I find myself feeling bothered by how snug my pant fits, or how my shirt fits more snug around my belly and hips than how it previously did. Every day, when I snack on something at my desk, I immediately feel the multiple rolls layered on my belly. Every evening, as I change into my pjs, I catch a glimpse of how my body has changed, making me feel rather awkward about myself. 

My body has changed and I’m struggling to accept it. 

I find myself looking at skinny models,actresses and tv presenters, wishing I was as skinny as them. I sometimes feel complete remorse after I have had a meal, regretting the choice we made for supper or the choice I made off the menu. I sometimes find myself researching the internet for quick and easy ways of losing weight – what tablet can I take that will make me lose the weight easily. 

I always bounce back from these thoughts rather quickly, reminding myself that I have become a mother, and that I have become a new me – both physically and emotionally – and that it was okay to feel the way that I often feel and to look the way that I look. But then those feelings creep back in rather easily again – after I have to select a size 12 pant off the rail and then it still fits snug, as an example. 

And I know that the only way for me to fix this is to first accept that I have changed, and then do something about it – changing my diet and exercising. But I am struggling to accept it, and I am struggling to find the time to exercise. I find myself doing a week of my own training, only to revert back to doing nothing the following week. Which then makes me feel even worse, making it even more difficult for me to accept. It’s like a viscous tumbleweed, that just keeps rolling and just keeps growing.

People think I’m crazy when I talk about this, telling me that I don’t need to worry about anything. And I’m sure many of you are possibly thinking that right now. But this unfortunately bothers me, and I really don’t know how to fix it… 

8 thoughts on “My mommy body struggles 

  1. I really feel you. I’m going through the exact same thing and to make matters worse, with an infant and a toddler I barely have time to do anything for myself let alone exercise.

    1. Do you think it will get better Naythar? Like perhaps when the kids are older and there is a little bit more time and leniency in taking some ‘you time’ for exercise? I like to hope that it will be better, but then I get so afraid that I am going to pick up so much weight up until the point where there is no return!

  2. Come to Black River CrossFit. It’s fun.

  3. Just support: A struggle for most mommies, even me.

  4. The struggle is real…and sadly more real for some.
    I managed to go to bootcamp for a week when baby was 4months…i felt so guilty leaving her with my mom, i didn go back & she’s 9 months now.
    But at least you can come terms with it at times…i still cant, i still cant look in the mirror and i still cant buy me new clothes. Its easier wearing my maternity wear than taking that size 12 off the rail.

    1. Oh I totally feel you Feroza! I sometimes wish to not go anywhere, so that I don’t have to wear clothes that are much bigger than they were before, or that reveal some of my tummy fat. And time, finding the time to exercise is so so difficult when you have a little one and when you have a full time job. The struggle is so real 🙁

  5. Babe i can relate to everything you share and thank you for sharing. I dont want to come to terms with this body, its not me and yet it is…When i get depreseed about it i find myself resorting to eating and then feeling guilty about it afterwards. So i have decided ebough is enough, im joining teh gym and to make it work it needs to be a family effort! So In sha Allah im hauling my minions with me and they can play at Club V while Yaasir and i go comatose at Virgin after work.. Heres to making duah it becomes a lifestyle and not a novelty…Maybe thinking about doing it this way? You, Z and A, a group effort?

    1. Oh hun, it is such a struggle – a daily one! And I am exactly the same, I get hungry and I find something to snack on that is easy – and often I feel so guilty thereafter, wishing I didn’t eat it in the first place. That is such a great idea – doing it as a family. That is part of the solution. The other is actually coming to terms with our body changing – permanent change! That’s the part I just can’t deal with 🙁

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